Ok, I'm going to talk about something but the rule is not to say the word out loud, because if you say it out loud and your little one hears, you're in big trouble.
Ready? Softplay. How did that word make you feel?
Now, I’m all for letting your kid let off some steam, but face it, we hate it as parents (and if not all the time.. most of the time.)
I love the expectation of it, I think it's going to be lovely, we'll bond, go down the slide several times, play in the ball pit, build the blocks, I'll have a cup of tea, the boys will play merrily together and maybe even one Mum will look at me as if to say, wow look at her, she's got it together. But NO.
The reality couldn't be more different.
You walk in and your kid(s) bolt off like a canon, and you are left surrounded by other people's children. Fantastic.
Whilst hoping your own children return back to you, you're faced with the usual 'softplay' suspects:
The one kid you accidentally smile at and you are filled with instant regret. That's it, you've made a buddy, friend for life. You see that little shadow behind you, that's someone else's child, not even your own. You'll look after this one for the duration of your stay, in secret hope that you can shake them off at EVERY. GIVEN. OPPORTUNITY.
No one knows who this child belongs to, but you continue to watch them crawl through spilt Ribena, whilst gorging on the all you can eat buffet on the floor. Sausage roll, half a sandwich, Wotsits, raisin? At least you hope it's a raisin. You've also almost tripped over said child on every lap of the play area.
The Snot Nose
Continuously wiping their nose on their sleeve, and leaving their residue everywhere. You begin to wonder whether it would be ok to clean each individual ball in the ball pit with a wet wipe. Phew, you’re saved, their parent has noticed and is cleaning them up. Though you hope they're wiping it because they’re a good parent, not because they saw you grimacing at Shrek sliding down their child's face.
She's real! The one who screams whenever any child (or you!) goes near her, and you feel completely guilty for NO APPARENT REASON.
Also known as dangerous Brian. Running into walls, flinging themselves into everything and everyone. Usually found climbing up the slide the wrong way... oooh, risky!
The Mean One
The one who as soon as you walked into softplay, told your kid that they wouldn't play with them, despite the fact your child didn't even look in their direction. This kid is the one who knocks your child's perfectly built tower down with no remorse and pushes them down the slide. Oh, and you know that ball that just smacked you in the head.. yep, you guessed it. Just steer clear, because you can guarantee that this one's Mum is watching you like a hawk!
After two hours, your kids are sweaty, they're hungry, tired and you've got sandwich stuck to your shoe. Never again you mutter as you brush yourself down, but you’ll find yourself there, same time next week.. funny that!
That aside, what's your favourite thing about softplay? Anything? Nothing? Or have I missed an important suspect out? Have you had a run in with one of the above? Let me know!
P.S this post is not to be taken seriously, I know that the examples above are other people’s children and I'm sure they love them dearly like I do mine..